This one is for you. It is raining and I am making myself a mocha decaf with rice milk as a warm and snuggly treat after a long few weeks of busy-ness.
It feels like the most unnatural thing to lose a mother. So I still somewhat can't believe you left even after all this time. I am learning to feel your presence and guidance in other ways. So you haven't really left at all. But when I close my eyes I can smell and feel your warm skin in an all-loving embrace. I miss that.
The grief is a process as we pass on the stories and poems and pictures and laughs and cries to our own children. I face my own mother daily as I “parent” my own children – encouraging them to brush their teeth, eat their lunch, read them a story, urge them to hurry, get in the car, get out the car...I hear your words come out of my mouth “Lovey!”.
I wrote a poem about being heavily pregnant soon after you left.
Here it is.
Funny – I am finishing writing this now with my luke warm decaf mocha because my toddler needed me to lie with him a bit more!